Control Freak

I hate to ask for help.

A little assistance here and there, no problem.  But something I don't know anything about, I am almost certain I am being had.  Which is why my car is going around with the check engine light on, my computer could be running faster, I am just now seeing a chiropractor for the first time in years ...

I think this probably comes from my home life.  My mother is the queen of the passive aggressive bait-and-switch - 'You come see us if you need anything, but be certain that we will hold this over you for years to come.'  I learned to get by without much from them.  Not like I don't love my parents, I just taught myself to distance myself from them.

I was pretty solitary as a kid.  But I would have one person - My Best Friend.  I would attach myself to that person probably to a mildly unhealthy level.  I couldn't trust people - not the kids at school, not strangers in the street, not my parents, but my Best Friend would be there for me!  I could share and open to them and they would understand me, right?  I would be irresistibly drawn to them more than anyone else in the whole world.

Inevitably, this level attachment grew understandably uncomfortable for Best Friend who would move on.  Then - New Best Friend.  And the cycle would repeat.

One would think with age would come some level of wisdom.  I've gotten better about making more casual connections.  Convincing myself that people aren't necessarily out to use me - which they usually are.  But every once in a while, someone insists on prying themselves deep within my shell and they are audience to my pure unadulterated crazy.  This poor soul deal with more than their fair share of my unhappy times.

Thank you for being there.  I've told you more than once you didn't have to and yet you always come back for more when I need you most.